This is my first post to begin a project of my history in how I'm doing since I started to begin a life in the United States.
Today Friday, August 13 2010 is been 9 days since i began my first job in the US. Is not bad at all I must confess, but like every job in the world it has stress. No matter where you hide, no matter where you try to avoid the damn stress is always gonna be there. My head is doing the best in the world to maintain a pace to keep the job, so far I've registered for the tax returns but is the first time that I've never signed a contract when a company or restaurant (in my case) is not required as far as I know to be hired.
This is new to me, some how i feel like I'm obligated to feel concern to everything within me. I have no other choice aether because I have bills to pay obligatorily. Since i arrived to the States is was very difficult to me, a change of my environment , a change of living, a change in the way I used to live. I've been very stressed this last 9 months. Personal problems have almost caused me a heart attack LOL! but that's life; problems always comes in multiple sets of ways.
So far I've been recovering from a long old scar I always had with keeping a job, being forced to get out and keep searching. I've haven't got a real time for myself to reflect what have been doing during 5 rough and changing years to me. Every time I adapted to one place-- something terrible happens and I have to go to another place. That's what I understand as the "familiar intolerance". Is the process of learning to understand that you just recently became a man. But, it just means that the quest has just began.
My opportunity to learn about myself, about my errors and the opportunity to have people who are willing to teach, help and understand demonstrates me that not all that I've been living will be the same way. Just recently , just 9 days ago that is what I've been learning. I've always been contradicting myself, from who I really am. From who I really was going to be, and yet a new frontier has just appeared to me for something that I would have never imagined; new paths and new ideas, new goals and new achievements. This is just something that makes me curious, and often makes me stressed, because I want to be there so fast that I never catch a break to think, to reflect, to understand what is going on.
I can't never understand a way of reasoning that doesn't reflect, think, or understand...that is an obstinate person. A person who I was merely 5 years ago and just completely drown in my ego and made me loose the opportunity of my life. Yet again, I had new paths again and those were just simply beautiful. Like a clear sky with brighting stars. It was a process of discovering what made me curious, and that it has been one important tool to reflect, think and understand everything. Since than I've never stopped, my brain just simply had some bulbs really fucked up. If I was fucked up before those bulbs got fucked up, after those bulbs got fucked up -- people thought I was just a dreamer with very unfortunate success. But, I ask myself. what is that success? so far I have done a lot to do my dreams and they are going to become real to me, specially the ones that I made to myself 5 years ago.
9 days from now my quest began, my life started to get some shape and my progress to make those promises to become true are taking place in a restaurant at Collins Av, Miami, Florida. Who would of thought that me, a kid with fairies in his head would take a look back into the past and realize that-- every moment I've spent talking with job partners, my family , my friends and myself about my crazy thoughts are getting in shape little by little. All those haters, cowards, phantoms and, and , and... did I said haters and cowards? that I've met during this last 5 years are now hiding, because the don't have words, because they are just that--cowards and haters, they will always stay that way.
I only will say thanks to those who supported me, who had tolerance to me, who loved me, who taught me, who had the will to talk the truth in my face, who respected me and that they never asked anything in return.
This is my first post of my project.
